Clueless

(seen at the preview performance on 25th February 2025)

Theatre marketing law has it that it is mostly women who pick the show to see, buy the most tickets and form the lucrative repeat-visit group knows as “fangirls.” Theatre producers further believe that adapting a 1980s or 1990s ‘feelgood’ movie into a musical provides instant brand recognition and full houses.

Adding these together and mixing in the perennial memory of smash movie and stage show “Grease” leads to the natural conclusion that anything set in the nostalgia of American High School is a licence to print money.

Sadly, they forget the law of diminishing returns. “Grease” – most of its iterations, rules all. “Legally Blonde,” great fun with the right leads. “Heathers” – now heading to Broadway and rightly. Then we can add “Cruel Intentions”, “Mean Girls,” “Bring It On” and now, well, this.

There really isn’t anything to dislike. A lot of colourful dancing in short skirts (girls), skater gear (boys), stylish outfits (stereotyping the gay boy). Girl-loves-boy / kooky outsider girls become friends storyline. The iconic outfits and “ball / nose” line (which sadly lands without impact).

Trouble is, there is nothing very much to rave about either, and there is some truly horrific choreography thrown in. And the monkey is talking “Not Since Carrie” level.

The (thin and grossly overpriced) programme didn't list any song titles at the preview the monkey attended, suggesting they were working on this right up until press night, but the monkey can pick out the “You Think Everybody Is Barbie” number in the first half, and the “Driving Test” number in the second as stunningly epic fails from usually reliable Lizzi Gee. Clearly working so hard, she overdoes it to hysterically weird effect.

A bit of a shame, as set designer Mikiko Suzuki MacAdams comes up with a very clever way of putting cars on stage. To say more would spoil one of the real pleasures of her work, which is otherwise entirely grey and functional, but impressively squeezed onto the tiny – for a musical – stage. 

Oh, and while on the non-performers, Paloma Young does a great job on the outfits, subtle updates but keeping the spirit of the movie.

Back to the show, and it is abundantly clear KT Tunstall has no musical theatre experience, lyricist Glenn Slater working with what he is given, director Rachel Kavanaugh struggling to pare down, simplify and find a book in a musical where no book writer is credited.

The result is plenty of “breaking the fourth wall” direct addresses to the audience, ripping us regularly out of the fantasy world. Combined with relentless mass dance numbers bunched together, then punctuated with lengthy dialogue, the pace is erratic and characters who should be likable remain distant and one-dimensional without opportunities to develop individually.

It is only fair to mention that the cast works its collective socks off, trying everything they know to communicate the show to us through everything (including, the night the monkey was there, a well-recovered-from “show stop”).

As is the way in these things, the entire troupe can see their teen years in a very distant rear-view mirror, but that sort of adds to the “Grease” tribute.

Emma Flynn as Cher bounces determinedly her way through. Deserving a far more strongly written emotional arc, her final number is proof of a good idea descending into “what might have been.”

As “what will be,” Kelan McAuley’s Josh is under-used and interesting. His charisma could have carried the show had writer Amy Heckerling not stuck so rigidly to the film.

Romona Lewis-Malley, as outsider Tai, likewise has some excellent moments, with Blake Jordan as Travis probably getting the best storyline and making the most of it with her.

Notes too for Ryan O’Donnell as a wonderfully terrified driving examiner and father, Max Mirza (Elton) and Isaac J Lewis as Christian.

From the audience reaction, there is plenty of goodwill towards the movie and characters. Constant applause faded quickly as they appeared stumped by the wildly varying speed of the evening. Sugar and speed alternating with floundering meandering. 

Not quite clueless, but pretty witless, alas.